October 22nd, 2007.

An unfinished 'Meanwhile.'

The following article was left unfinished and unedited and should be read as such. Notes can be found below the article.

After years of guarding my email addresses with the attention of a rottweiler, and training my friends to exclude me from their daily joke emails, I frowned as I read the title of an email that found its way to my inbox recently.

I hadn’t requested ‘A handy guide to bra sizes’ so the email was likely to be information that I neither needed nor wanted. Knowing my stance on such frivolous emails the sender had written a message. “I know you don’t like joke emails mate, but this one is really funny, and it’s about boobs so I thought that might make it an exception?”

I wasn’t sure whether that last line said more about the sender or myself. Now the email was in front of me now so I scrolled down and smiled at the cartoon illustrations that revealed: “what the letter in bra sizes really mean.”

Interestingly enough, it turns out that the bra celebrates its 100th birthday this year, something that surely must give rise to some kind of celebration? But that aside, I have to ask the question… why do we love boobs so much?

Yes yes, I know, maybe you don’t love boobs that much, but I’m talking about the bigger picture here. What’s the big deal with boobs?

As I guy I thought I would be able to answer such a question with ease. It’s because I don’t have them, it’s because they’re so round, it’s because they bounce nicely, it’s because… oh heck, I don’t know! I’ve sat here thinking about what it is that I like about a good set of bosoms and the only thing I seem to be able to come up with is the fact that I “just do.”

I won’t deny that like most men I can become somewhat trapped like a deer in headlights when I’m confronted with a dazzling pair of distractions. But I’m reluctant to define myself as a ‘breast-man’ because few of the girls I’ve dated have had “more than a handful” indicating that breasts have less swing in my mind that you might imagine.

Nonetheless, I do love boobs and I can’t tell you why. But of course, I’m not alone.

The fairer sex have been enhancing their god-given assets for years. In 1951 an American company invented an inflatable bra that could be increased as desired by blowing into a plastic straw. in 1962 surgeons in Houston, Texas, performed the first-ever silicone breast implant surgery. And in 1994 cars collided with one another as their drivers became transfixed on the cealvage of Eva Herzigova pictured on a billboard announcing the arrival of the wonderbra with the strapline “Hello Boys.”

--- Article Notes ---

Time of death : 16:11
Honestly I just ditched this because I wanted to write something funny about our fascination with boobs. The thing is, it's tricky to write something, fun, frivolous, and most of all HARMLESS, on this subject without coming across as a dick, a perv, a sexist, or all three of those at once.