June 6th, 2003.

Weddings, babies, etc.
An unfinished 'Meanwhile.'

The following article was left unfinished and unedited and should be read as such. Notes can be found below the article.

A few years back I spent a lot of my summer Saturdays going to weddings. a lot of my friends were all in their early twenties and having fallen in love a lot of them ended up 'tying the knot.'

Their decision to spend the rest of their days together would inevitably mean that I'd have to dust off my suit, iron and shirt and locate, for the purpose of wearing, the one tie that I own.

Actually, that shirt and tie were gifts from my sister, given to me just before her wedding. She purchased them so as I would look acceptably presentable on her special day. A special day that ended up with me turning some random colleague of hers into a lesbian! But that is perhaps another story entirely.

Some people hate weddings, usually guys. But really you have to look at them from a more positive perspective. Okay, so there's the Churchy bit where you have to stand and sing Hymns and stuff, and the wedding pictures can be a bit of a bind too. But come on, there are some upsides to weddings like free food and the opportunity to hit on the bridesmaids too should the fancy take you.

As I entered my late twenties though, the wedding rate decreased. The suit came out less and less and the tie took early retirement with the shirt somewhere in the back of my cupboard, only coming out on the rare occasion where I feel a business meeting might go a little bit better if I look a more like a businessman than a web designer.

After the weddings came babies. Obviously there is far less involvement on my part in this event. The Mummies-to-be start eating for two and it seems the Daddies-to-be use this opportunity in life to do the same. Then along comes the little one and all of a sudden two become three, three becomes four, four becomes five and Christmas ends up feeling like a robbery.

Babies are fine as long as they can be handed back to their owners as soon as they start to make unpleasant noises or smells. The way I see it is that I didn't have any of the fun in the production of this thing so I don't see why I should have to have any part in the clean up.

Then, of course, there is the whole thing about baby management. Not only do you have to feed these strange little creatures every few hours, but you have to change their diapers too! Why is it that someone hasn't invented a machine to do this! It could come in it's own stylish cabinet and be fully automated so that all you had to do was insert the diaper and baby then sit back while it changed the baby inside the closed cabinet, disposed all the nasty stuff, then ejected your baby all clean and fresh. Come on, we've made machines that do more complicated things that this, what's the delay here?

Pretty soon these babies will grow up. They'll become teenagers and make me feel really old as I'll remember them when they were small squashy things that did nothing productive whatsoever.

--- Article Notes ---

Time of death : 16:41
At the time of writing this I was about to attend the first wedding I had attended for a long time. That was the inspiration, but the article simply ran out of steam and wasn't appearing to get anywhere near anything that looked remotely like a point.